I went through the most nerve racking night of my life...one full of wonder and fear...of anticipation...of pain....and so many other feelings i cant even begin to put to words.
One year ago tonight I was in the hospital awaiting the arrival of my baby girl. I look back on this past year now in amazement. Of how much I have grown...how much i have learned. But more than that...i look back on how much my daughter has grown. It seems like only yesterday that i held her for the first time ever...only yesterday since she was so tiny and so new....It felt like my life finally had meaning...a purpose....well at least a purpose greater than me for once.
I look at her everyday now...becoming miss attitude...miss independent....miss giggles....how she examines everything in her path to learn how it works...how shes so determined to do things even now for herself...how the simplest things make her laugh...that sound is so precious to me. So innocent. So full of love....her eyes light up my world...the way they sparkle when shes in her mischievous moods...ready and raring to get in trouble....or to chase me and run when i respond.
I stood over her crib tonight and cried....just looking at her sleeping so peacefully. I cried because already the time has gone by so fast. I have watched her learn so much already...from her first smile...to the first steps. And I wish I could turn back time and relive those moments over and over again. I look forward to all the years to come and hope that at this I will not fail.
Its funny though...that someone so tiny gives me such strength. Knowing that I have to be strong for not only me...but for her as well. So it this knowledge alone that makes me know without a doubt...that i wont fail.
I look back at my whole life so far....always searching for what I was here for....always wondering just what was the purpose of my life....and I can answer that now...in the almost simplest of ways....
I was born to be a mom.
So simple it sounds....yet I never knew until I had her....every other reason I am here for....pales in comparison to that one reason alone.
I smile now...looking at the past year....giddy at the thought of what else is to come. I cant wait to see all her other firsts. Though I know as each of them comes it will seem like just yesterday....when she needed me for everything...I will cherish everyday with her....even when shes all full grown....Though she will always be my little girl forever.
hard to remember sometimes when she was so small...but oh to see how much shes grown so far.....im lovin life now
to this....and so much more to come