a year ago tonight...

**Kat** · 11-01-2007, 11:25 PM

I went through the most nerve racking night of my life...one full of wonder and fear...of anticipation...of pain....and so many other feelings i cant even begin to put to words.

One year ago tonight I was in the hospital awaiting the arrival of my baby girl. I look back on this past year now in amazement. Of how much I have grown...how much i have learned. But more than that...i look back on how much my daughter has grown. It seems like only yesterday that i held her for the first time ever...only yesterday since she was so tiny and so new....It felt like my life finally had meaning...a purpose....well at least a purpose greater than me for once.

I look at her everyday now...becoming miss attitude...miss independent....miss giggles....how she examines everything in her path to learn how it works...how shes so determined to do things even now for herself...how the simplest things make her laugh...that sound is so precious to me. So innocent. So full of love....her eyes light up my world...the way they sparkle when shes in her mischievous moods...ready and raring to get in trouble....or to chase me and run when i respond.

I stood over her crib tonight and cried....just looking at her sleeping so peacefully. I cried because already the time has gone by so fast. I have watched her learn so much already...from her first smile...to the first steps. And I wish I could turn back time and relive those moments over and over again. I look forward to all the years to come and hope that at this I will not fail.

Its funny though...that someone so tiny gives me such strength. Knowing that I have to be strong for not only me...but for her as well. So it this knowledge alone that makes me know without a doubt...that i wont fail.

I look back at my whole life so far....always searching for what I was here for....always wondering just what was the purpose of my life....and I can answer that now...in the almost simplest of ways....

I was born to be a mom.

So simple it sounds....yet I never knew until I had her....every other reason I am here for....pales in comparison to that one reason alone.

I smile now...looking at the past year....giddy at the thought of what else is to come. I cant wait to see all her other firsts. Though I know as each of them comes it will seem like just yesterday....when she needed me for everything...I will cherish everyday with her....even when shes all full grown....Though she will always be my little girl forever.

hard to remember sometimes when she was so small...but oh to see how much shes grown so far.....im lovin life now

from this...
Attachment 1035

Attachment 1037

to this....and so much more to come
shortstuff.jpg

**Breath** · 11-01-2007, 11:27 PM

God.
That made me cry.

**sundvlfn88** · 11-01-2007, 11:29 PM

Kat you are such a good mother I know it. If only others were like you. Not saying that people in here aren't good mothers, but I know some outside of here that aren't.

**COOL_BREEZE2** · 11-02-2007, 12:02 AM

WOW, how very deep.

Kat, I implore you to do this. Your opening post. Print it out. Make a screen shot of it...whatever. But do keep a hardcopy of it for posterity that you can look back on it from time to time. Put it in an album or sometime. But do save it that you can reflect on and that your daughter can cherish in time to come.

Time flies don't it? Before you know it your daughter will be 3 years old, then 6 etc.

And BTW, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY KAT.

**Kat** · 11-02-2007, 12:08 AM

hehe actually cb i already wrote it all out in her journal

...i started it a few months ago thinking she might like to read it when shes older too

I write in it about day to day stuff...or when she learns something new...just about every night if i can....try to point out all the good things that happened that day...hopefully i keep up on it though with my love of writing i dont think it will be too hard (though i also do it for me too...so i have a clearer memory of how this time is)

god i hate to think about her being 1 let alone 3 ...

dont remind me how fast it goes

also want to say...thanks

for the happy anniversary

**COOL_BREEZE2** · 11-02-2007, 12:25 AM

Originally Posted by Kat

hehe actually cb i already wrote it all out in her journal

...i started it a few months ago thinking she might like to read it when shes older too

I write in it about day to day stuff...or when she learns something new...just about every night if i can....try to point out all the good things that happened that day...hopefully i keep up on it though with my love of writing i dont think it will be too hard (though i also do it for me too...so i have a clearer memory of how this time is)

god i hate to think about her being 1 let alone 3 ...

dont remind me how fast it goes

also want to say...thanks

for the happy anniversary

Okeydokey. That journal was a good idea. That would be one of her most cherished possessions I'm sure. Good going.

**Peter Parka** · 11-02-2007, 02:30 PM

Happy birthday, Kylie!

**Mrs Behavin** · 12-11-2007, 10:04 AM

I dont know how I missed this!

I have enjoyed seeing pictures of her as she has been getting bigger and bigger and I dont know how she does it, but she gets cuter and cuter each time.

And I know exactly what you mean, crying because time has flown by when you have little ones. My youngest just turned 5 yrs old and I was so sad.

Happy late birthday Kylie!

**SouthOfHeaven** · 12-11-2007, 11:06 AM

goodness kat she will apperciate that so much when she is older.. you made me cry reading that ( and now matt next me me is looking at me funny) but that was very heartfelt and ..wow..

**skyblue** · 12-15-2007, 06:49 PM

childbirth amazes me.........it really does

**NuckingFuts** · 12-15-2007, 08:21 PM

Damn Kat that was some really good stuff. Thank you for sharing it with us.

**Kat** · 12-15-2007, 10:06 PM

thank you all for reading it

**COOL_BREEZE2** · 12-15-2007, 10:21 PM

Originally Posted by Kat

thank you all for reading it

You're most welcome Kat. And thanks for sharing.

IMO, you've got such an incredible knack for writing, have you ever considered that area as a career. I think you would do very well. I just love to read what you have written.

**Kat** · 12-15-2007, 10:31 PM

Originally Posted by COOL_BREEZE2

You're most welcome Kat. And thanks for sharing.

IMO, you've got such an incredible knack for writing, have you ever considered that area as a career. I think you would do very well. I just love to read what you have written.

I have considered. It has been a bittersweet dream of mine in most ways. Mostly because for some reason I seem to lack the confidence....but also because I wouldnt know where to begin. Plus the fact that if, and only if, I truly feel what I am writing...am I able to write.

Who knows...maybe someday it would work...for now though it is a bittersweet dream that sits on a shelf

but thank you cb. what you said made me think about it once again *hugs*

**COOL_BREEZE2** · 12-15-2007, 10:37 PM

Originally Posted by Kat

I have considered. It has been a bittersweet dream of mine in most ways. Mostly because for some reason I seem to lack the confidence....but also because I wouldnt know where to begin. Plus the fact that if, and only if, I truly feel what I am writing...am I able to write.

Who knows...maybe someday it would work...for now though it is a bittersweet dream that sits on a shelf

but thank you cb. what you said made me think about it once again *hugs*

Well you know what they say.....the hardest part is the start. Maybe getting a foot in. Perhaps maybe if you could get a column in some magazine or the other might not be a bad idea. Then you could take it from there. One thing for sure, you def have talent.