 | A place to come and get "Off" |
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06-20-2008, 05:51 AM
| #1 |
| Between darkness and wonder  Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,415
Tokenz: 12,367   |  The Dead The black widow The sun and rain The moon and shine The misery and pain Under the black clouds Thunders roll And the shrouds Wrap around the cold The earth swallows the dead bodies and the souls fly away like axillaries The physical bodies become no more and the souls set out to explore
__________________ "Ice cream. You will buy ice cream. You love ice cream. Your life is pointless. Your existence is meaningless. And now, ice cream." -Invader Zim, ice cream vendor.
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06-20-2008, 11:22 AM
| #2 |
| Banned PER user's request  Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 4,865
Tokenz: 960 | Re: The Dead that is pretty true i suppose... sort of sounds like metal music... nice poem  |
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07-02-2008, 06:21 PM
| #3 |
| Age of Empires III addict  Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Surrey, England, UK
Posts: 2,896
Tokenz: 31,543 | Re: The Dead I quite like it. But I'm really not sure about this simile: "and the souls fly away like axillaries"
__________________ "...I will die alone, upside down, in a pub toilet."  Hey hey, My my, Rock and Roll can never die. I can't trust any country that thought prohibition was a good idea  |
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07-02-2008, 07:03 PM
| #4 |
| Member  Join Date: May 2008 Location: I don't know, I can't find my way home.
Posts: 1,335
Tokenz: 1,305 | Re: The Dead The first 4 lines are my least favourite but the only line I'd really recommend changing is the "the misery and pain." Outside of that though, good stuff!
__________________ Give me the dust of my fathers Stand on the face of the ancients Bare the secret flesh of time itself |
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07-03-2008, 02:09 AM
| #5 |
| Between darkness and wonder Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,415
Tokenz: 12,367 | Re: The Dead Thanks!
__________________ "Ice cream. You will buy ice cream. You love ice cream. Your life is pointless. Your existence is meaningless. And now, ice cream." -Invader Zim, ice cream vendor.
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07-05-2008, 04:00 PM
| #6 |
| Member  Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 32
Tokenz: 610 | Re: The Dead is it just me or is that some what weird ehhh nice poem tho im not going to hate cause i cant do better lolz :\
__________________ FuriouS-TrippeR A.K.A. StyleZ-C   |
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07-05-2008, 04:01 PM
| #7 | |
| Banned PER user's request Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 4,865
Tokenz: 960 | Re: The Dead Quote:
you write what you feel... raps same shit man  | |
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07-05-2008, 04:28 PM
| #8 |
| Member Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 32
Tokenz: 610 | Re: The Dead not these days with rap ROFL soulja boi and crap lol i stick to old skool with meanin to a song but yeah this is like rap but its like weird at the same time like The black widow The sun and rain The moon and shine The misery and pain how can u not find that weird :\
__________________ FuriouS-TrippeR A.K.A. StyleZ-C |
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07-05-2008, 06:14 PM
| #9 | |
| Banned PER user's request Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 4,865
Tokenz: 960 | Re: The Dead Quote:
btw this poem was prolly made by Mona :P Thats why its special and why i like it  | |
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07-05-2008, 08:21 PM
| #10 | |
| Between darkness and wonder Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,415
Tokenz: 12,367 | Re: The Dead Quote:
__________________ "Ice cream. You will buy ice cream. You love ice cream. Your life is pointless. Your existence is meaningless. And now, ice cream." -Invader Zim, ice cream vendor.
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