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Old 06-20-2008, 05:51 AM   #1
Between darkness and wonder
 
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Default The Dead

The black widow
The sun and rain
The moon and shine
The misery and pain

Under the black clouds
Thunders roll
And the shrouds
Wrap around the cold

The earth swallows the dead bodies
and the souls fly away like axillaries
The physical bodies become no more
and the souls set out to explore
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Old 06-20-2008, 11:22 AM   #2
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Default Re: The Dead

that is pretty true i suppose... sort of sounds like metal music... nice poem
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Old 07-02-2008, 06:21 PM   #3
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Default Re: The Dead

I quite like it.

But I'm really not sure about this simile: "and the souls fly away like axillaries"
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Old 07-02-2008, 07:03 PM   #4
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Default Re: The Dead

The first 4 lines are my least favourite but the only line I'd really recommend changing is the "the misery and pain." Outside of that though, good stuff!
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Old 07-03-2008, 02:09 AM   #5
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Default Re: The Dead

Thanks!
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Old 07-05-2008, 04:00 PM   #6
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Default Re: The Dead

is it just me or is that some what weird ehhh
nice poem tho im not going to hate cause i cant do better lolz :\
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Old 07-05-2008, 04:01 PM   #7
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Default Re: The Dead

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Originally Posted by 2muchstylez View Post
is it just me or is that some what weird ehhh
nice poem tho im not going to hate cause i cant do better lolz :\
lol how is it weird... its like rap

you write what you feel... raps same shit man
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Old 07-05-2008, 04:28 PM   #8
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Default Re: The Dead

not these days with rap ROFL soulja boi and crap lol i stick to old skool with meanin to a song but yeah this is like rap but its like weird at the same time like

The black widow
The sun and rain
The moon and shine
The misery and pain

how can u not find that weird :\
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Old 07-05-2008, 06:14 PM   #9
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Default Re: The Dead

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Originally Posted by 2muchstylez View Post
not these days with rap ROFL soulja boi and crap lol i stick to old skool with meanin to a song but yeah this is like rap but its like weird at the same time like

The black widow
The sun and rain
The moon and shine
The misery and pain

how can u not find that weird :\
dont wanna holla some 2pac lines...

btw this poem was prolly made by Mona :P Thats why its special and why i like it
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Old 07-05-2008, 08:21 PM   #10
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Default Re: The Dead

Quote:
Originally Posted by Synergy View Post
dont wanna holla some 2pac lines...

btw this poem was prolly made by Mona :P Thats why its special and why i like it
Aww. You're so sweet! Thanks!
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