Five Smart-Ass Winning Answers - Page 3

MichaelE · 09-24-2006, 12:00 PM

"Your proctologist called... they found your head."

From the movie Naked Gun:
'Like a blind man at an orgy, I was gonna have to feel my way through'
'Like a midget at a urinal, I was gonna have to stay on my toes'

elluko · 09-25-2006, 02:59 AM

heheh... peeing midget.

undertaker95 · 10-14-2006, 10:38 AM

I've got one
*A kid is riding his bike when a cop rides up to him on a horse
Cop

id Santa get you that for Christmas?
Kid:Yes
Cop:Tell him to put reflectors on it next time
*The cop hands him a ticket
Kid

id Santa Claus get you that horse for Christmas?
Cop:Yes
Kid:Tell him to put the di** under it next time.

Sam · 10-17-2006, 11:09 PM

Veronica ...good stuffff

elluko · 10-17-2006, 11:29 PM

good one undertaker.

Peter Parka · 12-24-2006, 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by djmuggs

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Wtf has that got to do with the topic! Either you're completely thick or another one of those bloody spam bots!

NicAuf · 01-03-2007, 07:29 PM

Some very funny stuff in this thread.

ngdawg · 02-16-2007, 03:31 PM

I work at Kohl's. We wear black lanyards with white KOHL'S all up and down them and our name badge on them.
About 4-5 times a shift I'll get some dumbass to ask (While I'm folding stock, etc), "Excuse me..do you work here?"
I have two standard smartass answers: #1, "no I just have an obssession with folding", or, #2, "No, I just REEEEEALLLY love their jewelry", with which I hold out the lanyard/name badge. I said that one to an elderly gentleman and he said, "oh, ok" and started to walk off!!!

Now, here's the weird thing: I received from the NJ Port Authority Police a bright blue lanyard with 'Port Authority Police' up and down it. As a little joke, I put the Kohl's name badge on it and worked-not ONE customer asked if I worked there, they went right to the 'Could you help me....' It's been 3 weeks, the managers know I wear it and I'm not going back to the store one, thus ending my smartass answers....for now

Demonica69 · 08-27-2007, 11:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vshayes

FIVE SMART-ASS WINNING ANSWERS
The 5 winning smart ass answers of all time:

* Smar t Ass Answer #3: *
* * The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. *
* The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could" *
* When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. *

* *

my aunt did the same exact thing...she still got the ticket though

SouthOfHeaven · 05-19-2008, 11:08 AM

not to bump an old thread but LMAO...

memento_mori · 05-26-2008, 03:40 PM

i got it from some stand up, but it's still funny.

whenever someone snaps their fingers to call me over, i wait for them to stop and then inform them:

"It takes more than two fingers to make me come."

monetmelly · 05-27-2008, 05:04 PM

i so need to use one of these lol

Mase · 06-21-2008, 02:05 AM

I've heard much better smart arse answers than those 5. Still funny.

09-24-2006, 12:00 PM	#31
MichaelE Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Miami, Fl Posts: 16 Tokenz: 220	Re: Five Smart-Ass Winning Answers "Your proctologist called... they found your head." From the movie Naked Gun: 'Like a blind man at an orgy, I was gonna have to feel my way through' 'Like a midget at a urinal, I was gonna have to stay on my toes' __________________ CanesPride.com - University of Miami Discussion Forums +++ LawVibe.com - Law Student and Young Lawyer Discussion Forums +++ CasinoForums.cc - Casinos \| Poker \| Blackjack Discussion Forums

09-25-2006, 02:59 AM	#32
elluko V.I.P User Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: BC Canada, Eh? Posts: 4,017 Tokenz: 467	Re: Five Smart-Ass Winning Answers heheh... peeing midget. __________________

10-14-2006, 10:38 AM	#33
undertaker95 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 12 Tokenz: 220	Re: Five Smart-Ass Winning Answers I've got one A kid is riding his bike when a cop rides up to him on a horse Copid Santa get you that for Christmas? Kid:Yes Cop:Tell him to put reflectors on it next time The cop hands him a ticket Kidid Santa Claus get you that horse for Christmas? Cop:Yes Kid:Tell him to put the di** under it next time.

10-17-2006, 11:09 PM	#34
Sam Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Hearts Posts: 527 Tokenz: 243	Re: Five Smart-Ass Winning Answers Veronica ...good stuffff __________________ In order to go on living one must try to escape the death involved in perfectionism. ---- Sam

10-17-2006, 11:29 PM	#35
elluko V.I.P User Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: BC Canada, Eh? Posts: 4,017 Tokenz: 467	Re: Five Smart-Ass Winning Answers good one undertaker. __________________

01-03-2007, 07:29 PM	#37
NicAuf Agent of Chaos Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Gillespie,Illinois Posts: 2,886 Tokenz: 231	Re: Five Smart-Ass Winning Answers Some very funny stuff in this thread. __________________ The world will look up and shout "Save us!"... And I'll whisper "No."

02-16-2007, 03:31 PM	#38
ngdawg Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: new jersey Posts: 84 Tokenz: 170	Re: Five Smart-Ass Winning Answers I work at Kohl's. We wear black lanyards with white KOHL'S all up and down them and our name badge on them. About 4-5 times a shift I'll get some dumbass to ask (While I'm folding stock, etc), "Excuse me..do you work here?" I have two standard smartass answers: #1, "no I just have an obssession with folding", or, #2, "No, I just REEEEEALLLY love their jewelry", with which I hold out the lanyard/name badge. I said that one to an elderly gentleman and he said, "oh, ok" and started to walk off!!! Now, here's the weird thing: I received from the NJ Port Authority Police a bright blue lanyard with 'Port Authority Police' up and down it. As a little joke, I put the Kohl's name badge on it and worked-not ONE customer asked if I worked there, they went right to the 'Could you help me....' It's been 3 weeks, the managers know I wear it and I'm not going back to the store one, thus ending my smartass answers....for now

05-19-2008, 11:08 AM	#40
SouthOfHeaven Official OTz Naked Chick Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: sumwhere i belong Posts: 9,971 Tokenz: 27,666	Re: Five Smart-Ass Winning Answers not to bump an old thread but LMAO... __________________ May all your ups and downs be in bed.

05-26-2008, 03:40 PM	#41
memento_mori V.I.P User Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Upstate New York Posts: 1,664 Tokenz: 1,555	Re: Five Smart-Ass Winning Answers i got it from some stand up, but it's still funny. whenever someone snaps their fingers to call me over, i wait for them to stop and then inform them: "It takes more than two fingers to make me come." __________________ Genius and Insanity are only separated by varying degrees of success.

05-27-2008, 05:04 PM	#42
monetmelly Junior Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 7 Tokenz: 409	Re: Five Smart-Ass Winning Answers i so need to use one of these lol

06-21-2008, 02:05 AM	#43
Mase 1924 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Sydney, Australia. Posts: 3,409 Tokenz: 17,923	Re: Five Smart-Ass Winning Answers I've heard much better smart arse answers than those 5. Still funny. __________________ R.I.P. Isaac Hayes. He did a good job as Chef from South Park, and he's made some pretty good music.

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