 | A place to come and get "Off" |
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04-12-2008, 10:55 PM
| #1 |
| Auntie Bri  Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Sl,ut
Posts: 4,393
Tokenz: 60,893   |  I know I shouldn't put this here.... ... I know I should put this in literature... but because of how slow the forum is here I don't think I'll get a response from there at all. I also think this is one of the best things I have ever written and I really want to share it with people! Top Predator A minuscule leaf that drops from the trees Upon it arrives a tiny little seed, The seed floats back into the wind Off on an adventure it begins Through a small plane does this seed go Following the wind wherever it may blow Down in a lake the seed does plop, In the water our seed cruises atop Onto a bank our seed does arrive Where a chirping bird finds it a snack Then that bird flies aback In to the forest of which it came There our bird will be found a loss By an agile wolf that snatched Our little bird right out of the sky That wolf will go on, into the cold winter mountains Where he was a very quickly defeat Not far up the ridge did he meet A grotesque grizzly that did gobble him up Then back down the forest he did schlep Eventually he found a river bank One that he crossed into a breezy plane That lead to a rather large tree Here he did find something rather curious A porky old man, in plaid shirt, holding a stick With a small yappy thing standing by his foot Then when our young bear did try to run He was simply shot down by a gun.
__________________ Not all 'young people' listen to the media. |
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04-12-2008, 10:59 PM
| #2 |
| V.I.P User  Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 6,614
 | Re: I know I shouldn't put this here....  very good. |
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04-12-2008, 11:06 PM
| #3 |
| Auntie Bri Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Sl,ut
Posts: 4,393
Tokenz: 60,893 | Re: I know I shouldn't put this here.... Thankies
__________________ Not all 'young people' listen to the media. |
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07-20-2008, 01:44 PM
| #4 |
| Member In the Making Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 104
Tokenz: 2,462 | Re: I know I shouldn't put this here.... bravo !!! bravo!!!
__________________ Attention Forex Traders, Pipboxer! #1 Expert Advisor http://pipboxersite.com 154% in 12 1/2 months on a live account. |
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07-20-2008, 01:57 PM
| #5 | |
| Prozac Princess  Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: In da chemist.....
Posts: 11,344
Tokenz: 24,116 | Re: I know I shouldn't put this here.... Quote:
__________________   Thanks to Peter..... | |
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07-20-2008, 02:23 PM
| #6 |
| Member  Join Date: May 2008 Location: I don't know, I can't find my way home.
Posts: 1,358
Tokenz: 1,650 | Re: I know I shouldn't put this here.... There are some small annoyances such as using the words "seed" at the beginning and "did" during one part of it, and maybe some parts could be polished but it's rather minor. I like the ending a lot and I like what it's about and most of it is quite solid so thus, I like it!
__________________ Give me the dust of my fathers Stand on the face of the ancients Bare the secret flesh of time itself |
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